Hello World, I’ve been away for a while. I guess I have lost reason to return after the old JS went down. It really does sadden me. Oh well life goes on.
So I was fighting with my mother. Ya, huh, that’s something. Anyhoo, she is the type of woman who won’t be pleased. It started with dinner. We’re struggling financially and don’t have much food in the house so I thought I’d be creative and make a nice dinner for everyone. That has now been dubbed dog shit. She didn’t take a single bite. (it was venison with mash potatoes and brocollli. nothing out of the norm. good food) And god forbid you mess something up WHILE COOKING. Something that certainly can be handled AFTER dinner, but no, not for my mother. I spent a good part of the day cleaning the kitchen up and making things look nice. Oh but i didn’t do THIS and i didn’t do THAT. That was wrong and i’m so stupid why the hell did i do that that way and…well you get the picture.
Well So on and so forth i guess. no need to write a book on it.
Things eventually progressed to finances. They always do. I should move out because i am such a burden, but she can’t pay me back the money i’ve been lending her. Even though I can’t afford it. Even though I should be putting something away. Why should she pay me back. She did this and that and this and that for me some THREE FUCKING YEARS AGO.
a Mother-daughter relationship is a love-hate relationship. I hate her so much for all she’s done (and the many things she didn’t do). I hate her more for justifying it all. Covering it up. Pretending it didn’t happen. Changing and twisting the stories to fit her.
I saved a lot of money for my senior photos and I handed it all over to her without a second thought. Do you think I ever so much as got a thank you? It hurt a lot more than I would have admitted then. And it’s just a minor example.
Sure my mother has instilled in me many wonderful things. All I ever needed was someone to be there with some sort of stability, so I didn’t feel like I had to face it all alone
velvetrose