There is a calm in tears–not the type shed from internal conflict and the outlook of unwanted decisions, but honest sadness over something I cannot not change, however, must face.
I was driving home one night 6 months after my father died. The moon contained itself with only a wedge of darkness and not even the window could smudge the clarity of the night. I was happy and laughing with my co-workers minutes before. I would be fine minutes later. In that moment, however, some 2 in the morning, alone on the road, I clasped to the reality of a loss and the inability, in more ways than one, to close the gap between my father and myself. I cried. unseen. unknown. I just let the tears fall.
If someone was there to inquire, I wouldn’t have been able to answer for myself. I’m glad, however, that the moment found me alone. It was my storm, my beauty to let rain. It was genuine saddness untainted with worry, anger, or confusion. Within that speck of time, beneath the pale yellow moon, I found serenity in my greif, and I take strength in that.
Some things need no explaination. If it does you good, just let it be.
There is something very somber in solitude within the sight of natures gems.
velvetrose
March 7th, 2009 at 3:40 am
Gems are very specific and means that one holds me in their hand and holds my person in bondage to a desire for RACHEL, WHO BLOOMS WHEN I THINK OF HER AND HER LOVELY TWINS THAT I COVET.